Feedback for Tuesday, 4/7/2026

Greg’s  "All in My Head"

How does it work?

The certain survival tactics and details bring realism to this fantasy apocalypse, highlighting how confusing it can be. Instances such as when the narrator questions the name of the type of campfire they’ve built, consuming finite resources, or nurses and doctors making verifications play a part in exposing what it is like for these survivors. Additionally, the uncanny observation that the main character makes about “how chill” the group is nicely foreshadows what has actually happened to him later in the story.

Recommendations:

I wonder if the bracketed lines of implied, inserted scenes were created to save the reader from actually experiencing how traumatic the flashback scenes were. However, the brevity of the lines put distance between the reader and the story, and not as engaging because of the lack of visualization. While the purpose of these short, fleeting sentences are meant to be so, I personally think it reads more as a playscript that actors must perform. If you wanted to make it more seamless with the story, maybe you could describe these scenes with a few more sentences in italics, or another way of showing what happened to the character.

Sim’s “Harold”

How does it work?

I like that the readers appear to know more about him than he does. We’re even given his name in the title, something he never addresses in his spiraling dialogue. Our omniscience contrasts with his desire to know what happened, which gives the reader the impression that we are actually interacting with him. I also think the ambiguity of whether he’s a good person or not is interesting. He makes a lot of efforts to repair his relationship with his daughter, but is also being punished or cursed into this immobile being for not taking part of her childhood and adolescence. This conflict gives the reader a choice to sympathize with him or reject his cries for help, allowing them to interpret their own opinion of him.

Recommendations:

That being said, at times it’s confusing how he has been subjected to only existing as thoughts. For a plausible backstory, Harold’s sudden conversion into thoughts on a page is a bit hard to comprehend. To make his existence more logical, maybe emphasizing less on his presence at his desk and more on his thoughts about his daughter might make which realm of existence he’s on more clear.

Taylen’s “A Day We Survived a Natural Disaster”

How does it work?

I don’t think it’s supposed to be funny, but sometimes the casual language undermines the tragedy of the situation, which isn’t a bad thing if humor was the intention. As they're driving away, there’s a glimpse at how despondent and lifeless the carnival looks compared to how it was still shining in daylight earlier, and Johnny speaks about the weight of the moment. But all Noah has to say is “Facts”, which ended up being comedic to me. On the other hand, the plot of this story works for the simplicity of its message.

Recommendations:

Since there are several characters, there’s an opportunity to make them more unique by fleshing out their personalities through either actions or words. For example, Logan’s character seems to be considerate of the groups’ safety. Pushing that further to differentiate the character from the others might help add more depth to the story. Another thing to consider is exaggerating the disappointment caused by the storm. Previously, all characters were eagerly looking forward to being there, and had planned the occasion  “all week” (1). To connect your resolution back to the initial introduction, maybe addressing how unfortunate the event is would heighten the emotional impact.