Gabe’s “Thank You, Mother”

         How does the story work?

This story’s strength is how descriptions of the house are used to toy with the narrator’s distress. One line in particular where imagery is distorted through language is when Adam ends up in the basement: “...but the crack that I saw was more like a capillary in a greater vein system that originated from beyond the door” (4). Depicting light as a capillary in a foreboding vein beyond the door implies how the house as a concept—not just as a disturbing environment—is affecting Adam. As someone making great efforts to help his mother, his desperation to get out of a bad situation becomes his literal reality when he enters the decrepit house. This story takes full advantage of visual language, and the use of the environment could serve as a metaphor for the character’s mental state. 

Recommendations:

There are areas where readers potentially get lost due to randomly placed sensory details. This might be because the abstract environments differ so greatly with Adam’s intentions and the setting. At first, we only know that Adam is there to flip the house, and that doing so requires an inspection. But in the basement, Adam begins to “smell the most tasteful sweets and the most beautiful flowers” (4). This pleasant detail, surrounded by descriptions like slime, a wet floor and the absence of light could be intended to convey disarray. Also, they could be referencing his mother’s hospital room. While these implications could be true, it's hard to decipher exactly what is going on, which might lose the readers more than help them understand how Adam is feeling.